Bella's Bucket List
by Keelie T
Summary: Bella gets Acute Leukemia and is given 3 months to live. She decides to make the most of her last months on Earth by creating a bucket list with 10 things on it. She is given the opportunity to live forever. Will she take it or die from her disease? R
1. Fragile

A/N: Hello

**A/N: Hey all! I'm writing another story….I can't really concentrate on either of my stories so I'm writing this story to kind of get my mind going with my other two stories! Please read AND review! I can't tell you how annoying it is to see your stats going up and know people are reading and only getting like 2 reviews. So, don't bother reading if you aren't going to tell me what to work on and what you like and such. I'm not begging for reviews but I write on this site so that people can read and tell me what they think. So, read and review. Thanks!! I really hope you like it!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters! They all belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer! 

_Synopsis: _Bella get's Acute Leukemia and is given three months to live. She decides that she can either let the Leukemia get her down, or she can make the most of her last three months on Earth. With Edward by her side, things don't seem so bad. They make the most of her last three months, together. In the last seconds of her life, she will have to make the most important decision of her existence. Die, or live forever…

Chapter 1:

Fragile

I waved goodbye to Rosalie and Emmett, who had been babysitting me while Edward was away hunting with Alice. I had begged Edward to let me stay at my own house tonight, instead of his. And he had grudgingly let me.

I bolt locked the front door just as my new cell phone buzzed in my jacket pocket. I sighed, pulling it out and pressing accept, then putting it to my ear. "Hello?" I asked.

"Bella, how are you?" Edward's worried voice came over the phone and my heart melted with relief. I had been so anxious all day just to hear his voice.

I sighed, holding onto his voice. "I'm just fine. When will you be back?" I asked anxiously.

Edward chuckled lightly. "Tomorrow afternoon. I really wish you would stay at my house." He argued again.

I rolled my eyes, kicking off my shoes and taking off my jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack absently. "Edward, I will be fine here." I said promisingly. Sometimes, he worried way too much.

"Charlie isn't home, Bella. He's staying at Billy's." Edward countered.

I paused. I hadn't remembered that Charlie had called and said that he was too exhausted to drive home from La Push, so he was going to stay at Billy's for the night. "So? I'm 18, Edward. I think I can handle being home alone for one night." I snapped, closing the living room blinds.

I heard my love sigh then I could almost feel him roll his eyes. "If you say so, Bella." He said seriously.

"Yes, I do say so. Now you go have fun hunting mountain lions, alright?" I said, smiling.

I heard Edward laugh his wonderful, musical laugh that sent my heart racing. "Okay, love. Get to sleep soon. It's late. I love you, my only love." He said, his voice getting softer as he said he loved me.

I smiled even wider. "I love you too, Edward. I miss you." I said sadly, frowning now.

"I miss you too, darling. I will see you tomorrow. Don't hurt yourself." Edward said seriously.

"I'll try not to." I snapped into the phone. But I couldn't stay angry for long. I sighed. "See you tomorrow."

"Good bye, Bella." I heard the click and knew that he was no longer on the phone. I closed my own phone and frowned deeply, already missing his angelic voice.

My missing was cut short as an agonizing pain ripped through my head. I gasped, clutching at my head and squeezing my eyes shut. I slowly sank onto my knees, gasping and crying out in pain. I distantly heard my phone falling to the ground but did not try to catch it. Just as suddenly as the pain had come, it went away.

I sat there on the floor, breathing heavily and sweating. I suddenly felt extremely tired and incredibly weak. I crawled over to the couch and used it to help me stand. Once I was standing, I almost fell over. My heart was pounding in my ears. I sighed shakily and slowly made my way to the kitchen.

I opened the cupboard and took out a glass. I sat it down on the counter and walked to the fridge, taking out the carton of juice. I had to use both hands to carry it just the ten or so feet to the counter. Frowning, I poured myself some juice and drank it slowly.

This hurt my shoulder muscles and I winced, setting down my glass. My muscles and joints had been hurting off and on for a few weeks now. I figured I just had a virus, and didn't ever think too much of it.

I hadn't eaten anything for a few hours and figured that I should eat something before I went to bed, but I wasn't hungry and nothing sounded appetizing. So instead, I finished my juice and put the glass in the sink after rinsing it quickly. I left the juice on the counter and turned off the kitchen light.

I slowly made my way up the stairs, my knees almost giving out on me a few times. I had to grip the railing tightly in order to keep from falling backwards and down the stairs. Why was I so incredibly tired all of the sudden? I had had plans of staying up late into the night, reading my favorite book. Wuthering Heights. But those plans now seemed hopeless, as I could barely make it up the stairs without wanting to pass out from exhaustion.

Finally reaching my bedroom, I grabbed my bag of toiletries and my sweatpants and t-shirt. Maybe a shower would help wake me up. I made my way to the bathroom and closed the door gently behind me.

I looked in the mirror, surprised to find my already pale face, even more pale than usual. I brushed it off, assuming it was just because I was tired. I stripped down, minding my sore shoulders. I turned on the water and adjusted it to the temperature I liked.

Stepping into the shower, I stood under the steaming hot water and sighed with relief. I washed my hair, loving the feel of the water caressing my skin. I then washed my body, savoring the sweet feel of the sponge on my sore body.

I stood under the water again and let it run down my face and over the rest of my body. I don't know how, but somehow I managed to be on the bathtub floor. The water was still running, but by now it was cold and made me shiver relentlessly. I groggily sat up, turning off the water and looking around me.

I was sprawled on the tub floor, not having any idea as to how I had gotten there. My only thought was that I must have fallen asleep and sank onto the tub floor, narrowly missing the wall and the soap holder as I did so.

It was a miracle that I had missed the wall and soap holder. Sighing, I stood up and wrapped a fluffy white towel around me and quickly dried off. As I was getting dressed, I noticed a huge black bruise on my left arm. I poked it, wincing at the sudden pain it caused me. It hadn't been there before I got into the shower. The only explanation I could think of was that I hit my arm while falling, almost like I had tried to catch myself but failed, hitting my arm on the wall instead.

This puzzled me and shook me up a little bit. I didn't feel like myself tonight and just wanted to go to bed. I quickly ran the brush through my hair a few times and finished getting dressed. I threw my dirty clothes and towel into the hamper and turned off the light, walking to my dark bedroom.

I didn't bother turning on the light as I made my way over to my CD player and turned it on. My lullaby floated across the vast space of my room. I sighed, missing him all the more. I turned down the volume to where it was only a soft murmur in the background.

Even more exhausted than I had been before I took a shower, I pulled back the comforter and slipped into my bed. I balled up onto my side, the usual way I slept when Edward wasn't here with me. I closed my eyes and within seconds of doing so, my lullaby disappeared into the background as my body and mind found sleep.

It seemed like I had only been asleep for five minutes, when I woke up gasping. I was sweating a cold sweat that trickled down my face and soaked my neck. I turned my head and looked at the clock on my night stand. Five in the morning. So I had been sleeping for six hours?

Then why did I feel even more tired than I had before falling asleep? I shivered, pulling the covers closer around me. I felt miserable and alone, missing his stone arms being around me. I started crying silently, wiping away my tears.

I decided to call Edward and sat up, my head spinning momentarily when I did so. I stood up, grabbing a blanket off my bed and wrapping it around me. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I was sure that Edward could make me feel better no matter what.

I made my way down the stairs, clinging to the wall as I did so. I finally reached the landing and sank onto my knees, searching with my hands for my phone. I had left it where it fell when my head had been pounding just hours earlier. I weakly reached up and turned on the lamp on a table by the front door.

I slumped against the wall, still shivering and sweating the same cold sweat. I opened my phone, my hands shaking as I did so. I held down the number 1, Edward being my first contact on my speed dial. I held it to my ear, my arm being almost too weak to continue holding it.

Edward answered on the third ring and I was grateful that he turned his phone on loud when he went hunting. "Bella? What are you doing awake at this hour? What's wrong?" He asked anxiously, his voice radiating concern and love for me.

I started crying again at the sound of his beautiful voice and relief flooded through my weak body. "Bella? Are you crying? What's wrong?!" Edward demanded, sounding even more worried.

"Edward. I need you." I said weakly into the phone, still crying softly.

"I'm on my way. I can be there in an hour. Just stay there." He said in a rush.

I sighed, closing my tired eyes. "Okay." I mumbled into the phone before I closed it, letting it fall to the floor again. I curled up into a ball where I was, and soon I fell asleep again, my tears drying on my face.

I distantly heard the front door open and close. But I was too far gone to really care. I heard my angel calling my name but stayed asleep. Cold arms wrapped around my body and I unconsciously molded into them, putting my arms around his neck and burying my face in the side of his neck.

Edward held me close as he walked up the stairs and into my bedroom, I imagined. I felt myself being lowered onto a soft surface and knew I was on my bed. Edward lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

I shifted so that I pressed my whole body against his. I suddenly felt so much better with the love of my existence holding me safely in his stone cold arms. My eyes fluttered open, seeking his beautiful face. I found it easily and sighed with relief. It was really him.

"Hi." I whispered weakly.

He was frowning at me, concern and worry written clearly in his eyes and on his gorgeous face. I didn't like this, it made him look all funny. I gently touched the worry lines in his forehead and tried to smooth them out with the tips of my fingers.

"I'm fine." I whispered, kissing his forehead where the worry lines were.

Edward sighed, pulling me closer so that our faces were a mere inch apart. "What's wrong?" He whispered, caressing my face gently.

I closed my eyes for two different reasons. One, because I was extremely exhausted still. And two, because I was relishing in the feel of his cold fingers on my skin. "Nothing is wrong. I'm just really tired and I couldn't sleep without you here." I said quietly.

He didn't buy it. "Bella. What happened?" He demanded.

"Nothing happened, Edward. Can we talk about it in the morning? I'm really tired." I asked quietly, already half asleep.

I heard him sigh and pull me even closer. "Of course, love." He whispered, leaning down and kissing my lips gently.

I kissed back halfheartedly and then my head fell onto his chest and I was asleep in my angel's arms. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew that I was safe and nothing could happen to me when I was with my Edward.

And I knew that whatever was wrong with me, we would get through it together. I was a fragile human being but I had an angel watching over me, keeping my fragile body going.

**A/N: Alright! Well, that was the first chapter of my new story! I hope you liked it! I know it was a bit rocky and not the best but it was my first chapter and first chapters are always difficult to write. Please REVIEW! Remember what I said up there! I will update soon if I get a good and positive response. :D**

**Keelie**


	2. The Calm Before the Storm

A/N: Since I got a pretty positive response to the first chapter, I'm trying to write the second chapter

**A/N: Since I got a pretty positive response to the first chapter, I'm trying to write the second chapter! REVIEW IF YOU READ! Seriously people, tell me what you think. :D**

Chapter 2:

The Calm before the Storm

I'm not sure how long I slept in Edward's protective arms before the blinding pain entered my head again. I sat bolt upright, screaming and clutching my head. I felt Edward sit up beside me, caressing my face and asking what was wrong. I couldn't respond; the pain was just too much.

And just like last time, the pain went away almost as if it hadn't been there at all. I was beginning to think that maybe I was imagining it. But then how could I imagine such an icy hot pain that pierced me to my very core and caused me to cry out in complete and utter agony?

I was breathing heavily, the cold sweat was back and I felt even more weak and tired, if that were even possible. Edward was rubbing my back, whispering comforting things in my ear. I could hear the real concern and worry in his voice and longed to take those things away.

Finally, I was able to look at the love of my existence. His face was once again full of worry and concern. "I'm fine. I've just been getting migraines a lot lately. That's all." I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, caressing my face gently and looking deep into my eyes, obviously searching for a sign that I wasn't okay. I didn't give him anything to find.

Instead I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly. "Yes, I'm positive." I promised, kissing him lightly on the lips before climbing out of bed. "Do you mind if I shower quickly?" I asked suddenly. I really did feel disgusting from all that sweating and I just wanted to sit under the cold water of the showerhead.

Edward nodded. "Go ahead. I will make you some breakfast." He said. Edward had been studying the food channel and now made me breakfast almost every morning.

I smiled widely and hugged him tightly, ignoring the pain in my body as I did so. I leaned up on my tippy toes and kissed his cheek before grabbing my bag of toiletries and making my way to the bathroom.

Once I was in the bathroom and had the door safely closed, I collapsed onto the floor, holding my head in my hands. I was _not_ alright. But if I had to suffer, I wanted to do so alone and not have to cause my Edward to worry over me and suffer also. I didn't know how long I could keep up this charade, but I knew I needed to for as long as I could.

I stood up and stripped down and turned on the water as I did last night and stepped into the tub and under the showerhead. I was actually kind of afraid to take a shower now, after what had happened last night. I didn't really feel like collapsing without a reason again.

I showered quickly, washing my hair and body without really noticing I was doing so. I was too busy looking for any sign that I wasn't alright, any sign that I was going to collapse again. When no sign came and I didn't collapse, I got out of the shower and dried off quickly.

I had been ignoring the intense pain in my arms and legs as I showered but now I could no longer ignore it. Tears threatened to leak from my eyes but I didn't let them. I opened the medicine cabinet and took out the pain reliever and took two pills.

There, maybe that would help. I quickly blow dried my hair and got dressed then threw my towel into the hamper and made my way downstairs. I smiled at Edward, who was standing at the stove, cooking my eggs.

I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my cheek on his back, closing my eyes. I could almost feel him smile as he turned around and kissed my head, rubbing my back. "Feeling better?" He asked quietly.

"Yes. Thanks." I said quietly. And the truth was, I was feeling a little better since I took that pain reliever and I was beginning to wonder if I just had a virus or something.

"I'm glad to hear it. I was incredibly worried about you. Don't scare me like that again, alright?" Edward whispered in my ear, holding me close.

I smiled lightly. "Alright, I won't." I promised, reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. He kissed me back willingly, caressing my face gently and pulling me closer to him.

I kissed him with everything I had and had to remember to breathe through my nose or I would faint. Edward, as usual, eventually broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine. "Are you hungry, love?" He whispered, still holding me close.

"I'm starving." I replied just as quietly, not wanting to move. It was only then that I realized that I actually _was_ starving. I remembered that I hadn't had anything to eat since about 4 o'clock the previous evening.

Suddenly, I was being lifted off the ground and I momentarily felt like I was flying before I was being put on a chair at my kitchen table. "What's for breakfast?" I asked, smiling at Edward who was now by the fridge, getting out the milk.

"Is pancakes and eggs alright with you?" Edward asked nervously.

I laughed. "Of course it's alright, silly." I said, seeing him smile with relief and preparing me a plate.

He placed the full plate of pancakes and eggs right in front of me and one breath of the usually delicious scent sent my mind in a whirlwind of nausea. I bit back the urge to throw up and picked up my fork, taking a bite and swallowing it with difficulty.

Edward sat down next to me and looked at me with concern. "Is something wrong?" He asked slowly.

I shook my head and smiled reassuringly at him. "No, nothing is wrong." I said. Wow…the lies were coming a lot easier now. I didn't think about the food as I ate it. I just ate it. As soon as I was done, the urge to throw up became even stronger and I fought even harder to control it.

Edward rinsed my dishes and then came behind me, putting his arms around me neck and leaning down and kissing it. "Do you want to hang out at my house today, love?" He asked quietly.

I smiled at the feel of his lips on my neck and momentarily forgot the nausea threatening to overcome me. "That sounds great, Edward. Let's get going then." I said, standing up, almost falling over from the new roll of nausea that passed through my body. I gasped, swallowing a few times.

My love put his arms around me, steadying me. "Are you sure you're alright, Bella? You haven't been acting like yourself." He said, concern once again radiating like daggers in his handsome voice.

"I'm fine, Edward." I snapped. I instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. But I'm really fine, alright?" I said quickly.

Edward sighed, shaking his head and frowning deeply. "Alright, Bella." He mumbled, taking a firm grip on my hand and we walked outside to his silver Volvo that he had obviously driven over here while I was still in the shower.

We reached the passenger side door and he opened it for me. I gratefully sank onto the soft leather seat and closed my eyes, trying not to think about anything that would cause my nausea to suddenly become unbearable.

Edward was in the driver's seat in a flash and I immediately perked up again, smiling at him. He smiled back at me and took my hand in his. "Your hand is freezing, Bella." He laughed at me. "It's almost as cold as mine!" He joked.

I laughed with him, secretly concerned for myself. What was wrong with me? I didn't say anything and just held on tightly to his hand. If I couldn't tell him what was wrong, I could still seek comfort from him in normal things that we did every day.

With his crazy driving, we reached his home in 15 minutes. He was out of the car and on my side in under a second. Helping me out of the car so I didn't trip, he took my hand and we began walking to the house. My legs felt like jelly and threatened to collapse under me. I willed them to keep working and we eventually made it to the house.

Edward opened the door and let me go inside ahead of him. I did so and then took off my shoes but kept my jacket on. I was extremely cold since last night. Edward followed my lead and also took off his shoes. Alice came bounding down the stairs and looked at me with knowing eyes.

"Bella, you are a little liar." She said to me, her bell like voice radiating with disapproval.

I sighed; of course she would have seen everything. "Alice, I'm just fine. I didn't lie about anything. It's just a virus." I shrugged, making my way over to the couch and falling not so gracefully onto it.

Edward was beside me in an instant, one arm wrapped around my shoulders. Alice stood in front of me, her arms crossed across her chest in disapproval. "I'm watching you." She said seriously. I shuddered.

She turned away and skipped up the stairs and back to her bedroom. "What do you want to do?" Edward asked me, choosing to ignore the little exchange I had just had with Alice.

"Can we go out on the swing in your back yard?" I asked slowly. We had recently discovered a little rope and wood swing in the vast backyard. I had fallen in love with it the moment I saw it and it had become our spot ever since. It was my favorite place to go with Edward outside of the meadow.

Edward smiled hugely and nodded eagerly. "That sounds like a really great idea. Let's go." He said, taking my hand and helping me off the couch. He eagerly pulled me along as we made our way out the back door and to the swing hanging from a thick tree branch of an Oak tree.

I smiled at it and pulled away from Edward and jumped onto the swing. Edward laughed at me and came behind me, taking my waist gently and giving me a light push. I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling that was the closest thing to flying I would ever feel out side of Edward running with me.

I don't know how long we were there, me swinging and the love of my existence pushing me with love in his every touch. We would talk every now and then, but mostly there was a comfortable silence between us.

As I look back at it, this seemed to be the calm before the storm. In mid-sentence, I suddenly felt the Earth slipping away from me. I couldn't keep my grip on the handles of the swing and I could feel myself falling. It seemed to be happening in slow motion. After what seemed like ages of falling, my body hit the ground.

It seemed to have just given up functioning. My back hit the ground first, then my head. The world went black for a moment until I felt someone's arms go around my torso and hold me close to their cold body. I knew it was Edward and I knew he was beating himself up for not catching me.

My eyes fluttered open and I stared up at my angel's troubled face. "I'm so sorry! I can't believe I didn't catch you!" He said over and over again, caressing my face gently.

I weakly put my hand on his hand, my head pounding and my muscles aching more than ever. "Edward." I breathed.

He looked at me with wild eyes. "What? What is it?" He asked urgently.

"I'm not okay, Edward." I whispered before letting my hand drop and finally allowing my body to do what it had been fighting to do for the past two days. I let it sink into unconsciousness; I let it sink into the storm….

**A/N: Ah! Okay! There is chapter 2! PLEASE REVIEW!!**

**Keelie **


	3. The Bucket List

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it's been so long! But school and home life kind of take over sometimes and I don't have time to write or anything like that. But here is the next chapter…finally! Please REVIEW!**

**Keelie T.**

Chapter 3:

The Bucket List

You see, when you finally sink into the storm and let reality overcome you, there is no going back. Once you are sucked in, you are gasping for air, begging with the waves to let you stay afloat for just a little bit longer. You are constantly reminded of the fact that you will only be able to stay afloat for a little longer. Sooner or later, you will be dragged down and you won't resurface.

I was always aware of this, in the weeks after my collapse. I had been diagnosed and given three months to live. If you were to ask me how I was coping with the thought of impending death, I would lie and say I was doing just fine. The only person who I ever told the way I was really feeling, was Edward. He was the most…supportive of my tactic of dealing with this disease.

I wanted to ask him to change me but I knew he wouldn't. I knew he wanted me to live, but he didn't consider his kind of existence living. Still, eventually I was going to muster up the courage and ask him to change me. I didn't see this disease as having been given to me because I deserved such torment and anguish.

No, instead I looked to it as a blessing. A chance in which I could grow and become stronger as a person and as an individual. But that did not mean that I enjoyed the suffering in which I endured. I denied all act of treatment, saying I didn't want to be tied up to wires and machines in my potential last few months of my life.

I didn't want to be one of those people who let the sickness overcome them, losing all hope and letting myself fade away into the shell of the person I once was. No. Instead, I pretended I was alright, as I said, and I continued to live my life. Edward was the only one to ever see me at my lowest, and I intended to keep it that way as long as I could.

It had been four weeks since my collapse and I had approximately two months and one week to live. It was frightening to be given an amount of time to live. And let me tell you, my outlook on life had changed immensely because of this fact. There was rarely a time when the thought of my death was far from my mind. It always lingered just a few inches back, like a beast in a cage, waiting for the right moment to attack and remind me again that I was dying at eighteen.

Four long weeks of nothing but suffering, even on my best day. My muscles constantly ached, I could hardly eat anything, and lightning hot headaches racked my entire being at least twice a day. I was only living as much as my body allowed me to. I tried to keep up with daily life, but there were days when my body just wouldn't let me. Those were the days I wished I was dead, or wished I was a vampire.

Those were also the days where Edward stayed by my side every second of the day. He was just as scared as I was, if not more scared. And he had every right to be. He had every right to watch over me like a hawk, analyze my every move in case I ever showed any sign that I was going to collapse again. It was almost as if he were waiting for me to fall, just so he could catch me.

He rarely ever left my side, and when he had to leave my side, someone else was always with me. I didn't particularly mind this. I could see my sickness taking its own toll on Edward and the family. I felt responsible for their worried expressions and sunken features. I knew they were all worrying about me because they cared about me just as much as Edward did. But I hated to see all of them like that.

I hated feeling so helpless, so much like a child. I hated the way everyone stood around, waiting for me to fall and simply give up. You could see the pity in everyone's eyes, the sadness. I didn't want to feel their pity.

My father took the news of my sickness rather roughly. I was what kept him going, kept him living. It was almost like my life was tied to his life as well. He spent as much time as he could with me, taking fewer hours at work and spending more hours with me. He was losing sleep and weight quickly. Why was it that when my life fell apart, every one I cared about also fell apart? Like we were all connected, in one way or another. My father's pity was the worst to endure. The way he looked at me, almost as if I were already dead. He had obviously given up all hope. And why should he have any hope? I was dying whether or not anyone had hope.

But I was not dead yet. No. I was still breathing, still moving around however slowly. I could still think, eat a little and sleep even less. I was coping with the pain as much as I could. So why was everyone treating me like I was dead already? I had had enough. I was going to end this sour attitude.

I was going to make a bucket list. The prospect of dying had given me the opportunity to think about all I was going to be missing out on. I realized all the dreams I still wanted to fulfill before I took my last breath. And I intended to accomplish every single one of my dreams.

So, one night I called a family meeting. That day had not been a very good day, as the pain in my muscles was worse than ever and headaches had been bothering me more that day. Nonetheless, I managed to get out of bed with the help of Edward.

I had taken to dressing in comfortable sweats and t-shirts and slippers. Alice looked at me disapprovingly when I entered the family room wearing just that. I didn't pay her any mind. Hey, I was dying; I could wear whatever the hell I wanted.

Edward never let go of my hand as I sat down on a kitchen chair at the dining room table. It was a prop, everyone knew, but it was where we held family meetings and things like that. I ignored everyone's looks of worry and sadness as I cleared my throat.

To my right, Edward still held my hand, rubbing soothing circles on my clammy skin. Not even he knew what I was calling this meeting for. But he knew something was up, sensing my tension even though I tried to hide it. I was sure no one would approve of my plan, but I was still going to go forward with it with or without them.

All eyes were on me and I realized that I could not stall any longer. The atmosphere in the room turned from nervousness to down right worry. "Well…I guess there is no way to get around it." I said slowly. My once strong and confident voice was now weak and weary.

"I'm tired of every one treating me like I'm already dead. In case you didn't notice, I'm still alive. I'm still breathing, still fighting, still coping. I'm tired of the looks of pity in all of your eyes. Hey, it sucks that I'm dying, I never said it didn't. But what sucks even more is that you guys remind me of that fact every single day. I should have every one behind my back, backing me up and supporting me, making my last months meaningful." I paused to let all of this sink in before I continued in a stronger voice, "So I decided to start really living again. I'm eighteen years old and I'm dying. Dying with all of these pent up dreams. And I don't really want to die with all of them. I want to experience every single one of my dreams, childish or not. I've created a bucket list. I'm sure you all know what a bucket list is. And I have ten things on it that I would like to complete before I die." I saw every one flinch every single time I casually said anything about dying.

"Now, some of the things are a bit out there. But I only have two months and one week to get all of these things done so I would like to start on the first thing as soon as possible. And the first thing is I would like to go to Europe for a week. I will leave Alice to arrange everything. If you choose not to be involved in any of these things, then great. If you choose to be involved, even more great. It's up to you. But I'm sick of the pity and I'm ready to start living again. I'm not dead until my heart stops beating and I take my last breath." I stood up from the table with Edward's help. I knew he would have a lot to say about this but I didn't want to hear it just yet.

He picked me up and carried me upstairs to our bedroom. I had moved in with the Cullen's about two weeks after my diagnosis. Charlie had not been too thrilled about this but when the Cullen's reassured him that he would be able to come over any time he wanted to, he warmed to the idea a little bit.

Edward set me gently on our bed and began pacing the space in front of the bed. I sighed, watching him closely. "Edward, please say something." I said quietly, all my earlier energy gone.

Edward did not stop pacing for several more minutes. Finally he stopped and faced me, agony in his eyes. "Why are you doing this?" He asked in a small voice.

I looked at him like he was crazy. "Because I'm eighteen and dying but I'm not dead yet and I have dreams I want to fulfill before I die." I said, wondering if he had lost his mind.

"You're talking like you are going to die." Edward said, staring at me blankly.

I looked at him again like he was crazy. "Of course I am! Because I'm going to die Edward!" I yelled, sitting up with difficulty, standing with even greater difficulty.

I felt Edward's hands helping me up and leaned against him for a moment before pulling away and facing him, looking into his heartbreakingly handsome face. The face of my love. But he would not meet my eyes. I sighed and gently turned his cheek so that he had to look at me. I held his face in place, knowing he could easily pull away if he wanted to.

"You don't have to die." He whispered, taking a hold of my clammy hand and kissing it, not letting go of it.

"Are you offering to change me?" I asked quietly, reading his eyes as best as I could.

Edward nodded stiffly. "I don't know if it's selfish of me, but I will change you." He said in a strong voice.

I stared at him in shock and utter amazement. "Are you serious?" Now that it was being given to me so freely, I didn't know if I wanted it. Sure I wanted to stay with Edward for eternity, but I realized I would be cheating death. And was that really fair? If it was my time, it was my time. I love Edward more than anything in the world and I wanted nothing more than to be with him forever. But somehow it felt…wrong.

"Yes. I'm very serious. You don't have to suffer anymore. I will change you. Whenever you want." He said almost desperately, taking my other hand and kissing both of them.

I continued to search his eyes and found no trace of a lie. He was being completely serious. "I need to think about this. But until I have a decision, I want to go forward with my bucket list, alright?" I said quietly, taking one of my hands from him and gently stroking his cheek.

"Of course, love. I will talk to Alice about the arrangements and we should be in Europe in the next few days. Until then, rest up. I will have Jasper bring up your pain killers and something to eat." He kissed the top of my head and turned to leave. But I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to me.

I leaned up on my tip toes and kissed him full on the mouth, putting as much passion into it as I could muster. He kissed me back, letting love pour into my very being. Finally I pulled away, kissing him on the cheek and smiling at him. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." Edward whispered back, taking my hand and kissing it before turning away. "Please rest." He said before closing the door quietly behind him. I listened to his light footsteps fade away into nothingness and touched my lips, smiling.

I was getting what I wanted! I was going to Europe and doing every thing else on my list. Edward was offering me a life of immortality and a life with him forever. How could I not want that? I did want it. But I didn't want to feel guilty for wanting it. It was cheating death. If it was my time to go, shouldn't I go?

I lay down on my bed, pulling the covers up around me and looking at the ceiling. My head was throbbing slightly and I was grateful when Jasper came in with my pills. He smiled sheepishly at me, almost as if apologizing for feeling pity for me. I smiled back at him and took my pills with the water he handed me. He set a tray with a sandwich, some watermelon and some juice on it in front of me. "Thank you, Jasper." I said, taking a bite of the sandwich, though I wasn't really hungry.

"You're welcome, Bella." He said quietly, turning to leave the room. But something stopped him and he turned around again. "Bella…We are all coming on the trip." He said quickly. He left the room after that and closed the door quietly behind him.

I smiled slightly to myself. They were all in on the bucket list idea. This thought comforted me. My family was behind me once again. The pity was gone, as they had seen me prove that I was still alive and kicking. The sadness was still there, but I was sure it always would be.

I had a lot to think about and the amount of it all hurt my head. Exhausted, I pushed away my tray and lay back on the pillows, turning on my side and staring out the window at the sunset. It wasn't much later that I felt cold arms around me and heard my lullaby being hummed in my ear. No matter what I decided, these were the moments I would always remember. These were the moments that mattered most. Being loved.

_Bella's Bucket List_

_Tour Europe_

_Marry Edward Anthony Masen Cullen _

_Go skydiving _

_Learn how to ski_

_See the Statue of Liberty_

_See the 7 Wonders of the World_

_Go to the largest amusement park in the world_

_Learn to drive a racecar _

_Go scuba diving_

_Ride in a hot air balloon_

**A/N: There it is! The third chapter! Please REVIEW!!!! It would be a LOT to me! I'm really looking forward to writing the next 10 chapters! Each chapter will be one of the things on the bucket list. Please review! Thanks! And thank you for reading!**

**Keelie T.**


	4. Authors Note

So. Hi everyone... It's been a long time. And for that, I'm sorry. It's been a rough year but I'm going to begin updating again here VERY soon. So look out for it! I'm truly sorry again.

Keelie


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